He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
