We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
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i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant