I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities