What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm fucking your sister right now.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.