I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.