I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless