I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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