whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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