Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
