Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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