Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
