All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
