I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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