My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
