Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
