Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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