Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Ketchup is God's man juice
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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