Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
