Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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