Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
