Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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