kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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