he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
