i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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