I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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