dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
