alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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