so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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