guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So here I am, sexting at work.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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