Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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