what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
