I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
