Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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