The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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