im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
