My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
