you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
