it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
