I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
