It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
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Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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