Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
