Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
