this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
