Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
