We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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