I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
