can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
