he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
