umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
