just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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