I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
