Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
