the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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