4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
