I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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