News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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