i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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