I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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