I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I pour the whiskey from now on
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
