Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
