Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
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Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
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some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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