i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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