I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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