He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
