Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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