you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize