I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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