I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
