when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
