I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
