Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
