we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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