Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
