he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
